With a tip of the hat to Colonel Jessup, and another to American Digest, enjoy this:
In honor of Jack Nicholson's amazing turn as Col. Jessup, here's my "You Can't Handle the Truth" speech.
"You can't handle the truth. We live in a world of decline and chaos. Some men will have to stand for order. Who's going to do that? You? >looks at Boomer aunt< You Alinsky-Marxist? I have a greater responsibility of providing tax dollars for your government checks and producing children who won't be fucking psychos than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Trayvon and curse the successful businessman! You have that luxury. You have that luxury of being brainwashed to believe lies. You don't know what I know. While that future career criminal's death is tragic, it probably saved lives, and my existence while grotesque and incomprehensible to your Starbucks sipping ass, produces order and security. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at '80s dance parties you WANTme to be successful, you NEED me to be successful. We use words like God, tradition, family. We use them as the backbone of a life spent building civilization. You use 'em as a snarky punchline! I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to a man who eats and sleeps with my tax money and in my safe neighborhoods and then criticizes the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you and went back to playing video games! Otherwise, get a job and stop living off others. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"