Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Duffle Blog reports

In an unprecedented turn in American history, retired Marine Gen. James Mattis, several years after being dismissed by the President and exiled to his estate in the countryside, marched on the national capitol early Tuesday morning with an army over one hundred thousand strong.

This number includes at least ten infantry legions, several aviation and artillery legions, and multiple cavalry cohorts.

“I come in peace, by myself, in order to hand-deliver a Memorandum of Concern to the Commander in Chief and the Senate,” said Mattis in a press conference. “I am moving on foot at a leisurely pace, with no ill will. If these American citizens choose to take a stroll with me, then who am I to turn down their companionship?”

My favorite part:

   "After setting fire to the National Archives and sabotaging key infrastructure, the cabinet and most members of the Senate fled north toward New York and Boston in cars, vans and whatever other vehicles they could commandeer."

Notice that the House isn't fleeing?  If I were writing this spoof, I'd add this:

  "Senate Majority leader Harry Reid's motorcade was identified and stopped by citizen-partisans, and after a short gunbattle with his security detail, was seized and introduced to a rope and telephone pole.  His companion, Nancy Pelosi, was sold as a slave to Arab diplomats shortly afterwards, and the proceeds of the sale donated to reduce the national debt."


  1. I doubt that Arab slavers would pay much for Nancy Pelosi. Maybe she'd make a passable scullery maid? Can she peel potatoes?

    1. She'll make those peels jump off the potato with nothing but a dirty look.